


I'll never forget you

by Leana_olicityy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-28 01:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leana_olicityy/pseuds/Leana_olicityy
Summary: Mia is upset after one more fight with her mom.At 15, she wants to get away from the monotonous life in Bloomfield, she's dreaming of a normal childhood, with both of her parents but the choices they've made makes that impossible.However, a green notebook she comes across gives her something she has been seeking her whole life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! This is my first time writing a fic I hope it isn't too bad.  
I had this idea in my head for a long time. It's based on my personal experience with loosing a father.  
For now it's a one shot but I'm thinking of making other chapters, I don't know yet we'll see how it goes !  
It you can multitask I recommend listening to sad music to be in the mood.  
Also, English isn't my native language, there might be mistakes I'm sorry !

Mia was bored. Mia was very very bored in this little town of Bloomfield.

It wasn't that horrible she admitted to herself but what she really wanted was to visit Star city. All the tales she heard about from her mom, she wants to see it for herself.

Some days she argued with her mom about it, if they were such heroes why did they had to stay hidden. Did her mom lied to her all this time? She sighed heavily from frustration.

Today was one of those days. But today was a special day too. It has been 15 years since her dad left. She tried to convince Felicity to visit her father's grave in star city but she refused, as always.

" _You know we can't Mia, if someone sees you, you could be in danger we can't risk it"_ she recalled her mom's words "_ I made him a promise Mia. I have to keep you safe, we can't go there_".

She hated her sometimes. She really hated her, she hated the life that she had to live because of their supposed heroic acts, all of their sacrifices. Why couldn't she have both of her parents like all kids do. Was she selfish for thinking of that? Another sigh left her mouth, a sad sigh this time.

She felt bad for being mad at her mom. She knew she was doing her best. She did good all of these years but it has been very lonely. She had no one beside Felicity.  
She often imagined what it was like for her. Because even if Mia felt alone she knew her mom was even more. When she was little, at night she could hear her, cries coming from her mom's room and a small voice praying for Oliver's safety. She told her once, since then, the cries stopped.

Some nights, as they would look at photo albums cuddling in the couch , Mia could notice the difference between the woman on the pictures and her mom. She was so happy, her eyes glowing and sparkling. She didn't see it often anymore. Only when Felicity talked about Oliver.  
Was she the reason the light was gone from her eyes, did she cause all of this ? Would their lives be better if she wasn't there ? She shook her head, " _no they wouldn't _".  
She felt guilty when she thought about that because she knew how much her mom loves her, how much it would hurt her if she knew that. So she would cuddle more in her arms.

She never actually admitted to her mother but every single day was hard without her father.  
She chuckled, " _it's_ _ridiculous_" she said to herself "_ I never knew him"_ . Her heart clenched. How could someone you never knew make you hurt this much even years after? Well, she knew him because he left a few months after her birth but it wasn't the same.

He wasn't there when she lost her first tooth, or for the first day of school. He never learned what she liked, her personality, her achievements... Would he be proud of her ?   
He doesn't even know how she looked like. Her mom always said she looked just like him with a sad smile. It hurts. It hurts because she can see it too. It hurts because she has things in common with someone she never meet.

A sob left her mouth, oh God, what would she do, what would she give to see him. How would his arms feel like when he hug her ? How would his voice sound like when he would tell her reassuring words after she had a bad day with the softest " I love you " she ever heard?

The pain she felt knowing she doesn't have any memories with him is indescribable.  
She wondered if it ever goes away?  
Did she even _want_ it to go away? At least it's something she can hold on to.

She never shared it with her mom though. God no, never. It would hurt her. So she smiled and hugged her.

But today was important. 15 years without him sounded unimaginable. She wanted to go there. She _needed_ to go there. They had argued pretty bad earlier. Mia said horrible things, she regretted now after the look on her mom's face when she yelled at her she would have preferred she was gone instead of him.  
After the fight Mia ran to her room, making sure to slap the door shut but not without hearing Felicity say she'll be gone a few hours, doing things she doesn't understand for SmoakTech.

So she was here. Bored. In Bloomfield. This freaking annoying town.  
She was laying on her bed listening to music. Today she was listening to her sad playlist.  
She was just staring into nothingness, too many thoughts in her head. Sad songs repeated themselves. She kept thinking of her dad. She cried again . Her mom left so she can cry without muffling her cries.

After some time she slowly sat down, not even bothering to wipe her tears that kept dropping.

She got up and walked to her mom's bedroom. She liked to be there, she felt so safe . When she was little they would s sleep together sometimes, she loved it.

She opened the door and sat on her bed while looking at the room. She observed it. One of the walls was dark green, the other ones were white. She made her way to the nightstand on her left, and took one of her favorite picture in her hands. It was from her parents wedding, they both were staring at each other while dancing, both of their eyes full of love. She loved it so much.

After putting it down, she took the other picture, in this one Oliver was holding baby Mia lovingly while smiling wildly.  
Her tears started to come back.  
Every heartbeat started to hurt.

Trying to see through the tears she grabbed the box of tissues on the nightstand but doing that, the small lamp fell on the carpet and rolled under the bed.

"Frack" She whispered.  
She got off the bed and crouched down to pick up the lamp. As she grabbed it, something held her attention. A box. A big green box with a bow drawn on it.

She paused. She shouldn't look through her mom's things. She respects her privacy she should do the same.

But... Mia was too curious for her own good. Why would her mom keep a box of things that clearly is linked to her father. Felicity would tell everything to Mia, is she keeping something from her ? Would she find the real reason she couldn't go to Star city ? Would it finally make sense?

She quickly put the lamp back on the nightstand and took the box to lay it on the bed. She hesitated a moment before remembering how angry she was at her mom for keeping things from her.

She held her breath as she opened the box.

* * *

In the box were items that clearly belonged to Oliver. On the top there was a long shirt, she hugged it tight in her arms, and when she finally breathed a scent she didn't know brought tears to her eyes again.

This was her father's.  
She closed her eyes and hugged the shirt even tighter. Maybe if she stayed like that long enough it would feel like it's real, like he was really here.

A few minutes later. She opened her eyes, a little embarrassed of her delusion. She carefully folded the shirt again after taking a deep breath.

She continued to explore the box.  
There was a pair of socks she recognized from her mom stories. Felicity had bought him various kind of funny socks. It was an inside joke after one of his birthday when he said he needed them badly. That made her smile. She found a few other items, a red pen and pictures of her parents cuddling in the couch. ( she wondered who took the picture?)  
As she put everything back in the box she noticed a notebook at the bottom, a green notebook, should she see what is it about?

She opened the first page and the world stops for a second.

" Oliver Queen's " is written at the top . She felt a tightness in her heart, she was about to read her father's words, something that was coming from him not just stories about him. Real words from him, his thoughts. Right here. A real connection.

She swallowed hard.

_" _

_ May 2019_

  
_ This year was a busy year. _   
_ From being revealed to the world as the green arrow, being imprisoned, fighting to save the universe ?( Still doesn't make sense to me ) to have a baby. What I've been through and what my family's been through is incredibly hard but I'm grateful. I'm grateful for what I was given, I didn't think I would ever deserve being loved, have a family. Unfortunately everything comes with consequences..._

_Horrible consequences._

_Sometimes you have to make choices — they might seem wrong from someone else's perspective but if sacrifice myself means saving the entire world I'll do it. Because the people I care the most about are in this world and I'll do everything in my power to protect them. Even if that means staying away._

_Felicity would say it's heroic, she always saw me that way, from the beginning she was the only one seeing this in me. She always saw the light in me, through the years. She brought more and more light, she makes me a better person, she holds my soul and cherish it with everything she can. My Felicity... I'm so grateful for her. I love her so much I hurt only to think about it._

_Every day I live with the fear that's gonna be my last day. That the monitor will show up and I'll have to drop everything, leave everyone behind. It's killing me inside. Mostly because I can't tell Felicity, not yet._

_We were blessed this year, after everything we both went through, without really planning it, we got pregnant. I've never seen Felicity more beautiful than when she carries our daughter. It's a little girl, our Mia, our light. I love her so much already, I try to talk to her at night when Felicity fall asleep, it's our little time together because I don't know how much time I have left..._   
_ It hurts... That I have to leave her... Will I even see her come into the world? How much of her life will I be part of ? Would she remember me ?_

_I hate this, I wish it could be different, making Felicity raise Mia alone is difficult because I know how much she suffered from her father's absence. And I'm gonna do that to my daughter as well ... I know Felicity, she's the strongest, bravest person I know, she's gonna do great, raise her to be the best of herself._

_It hurts. But I'm thinking of Mia's future, my family's future even if I'm not part of it._

_It's not the first time I fear death, that I have to be separated from my loved ones but this time is different. Because the life that I built with Felicity is different, I really thought one day we would have saved Star city, everything would be over and we would finally have some calm in our lives, peace. That one day all the sacrifices we have done were worth it. _   
_ I hope this day will come. In 10 years. In 20 years . In 50 years . I don't know. But I'll do what I can do make this right._

_Felicity, Mia , I love you both so much, I'll miss you _ _every single day. Please hold on to the two of you._

_I want to live. I want to survive. For you ._

_During those lonely days that's what I will think about. You. I love it so much when you're happy so please, try for me, live your lives at the fullest._

_Words will never be enough to describe the love I have for you,_

_Oliver"_

* * *

Mia gasped for air as she finished the letter, her cheeks full of tears. She was crying very loudly without even caring. She couldn't stop, the words stuck in her head.  
At some point she started to feel light headed due to the fact that she was hyperventilating. She laid on the bed, her ears were ringing and her vision darkened. she tried to keep it together. Minutes, hours passed, she didn't know. All she could think about was her father's words.

She managed to sit when she felt a little better and stared at the notebook in her hand. Tears kept dropping but she felt numb.

She wasn't expecting that. How painful it would be to read those words, the love her dad had for her, she wished he could know how much she loved him too. She saw her mom differently, she truly realized what she's been through, how wrong she had been for being mad at her when she only wanted to keep her safe, how strong she was.  
Mia put the notebook back in the box and the box under the bed. Making sure nothing is disturbed she made her way back to her room .

The numbness from the crying and the panic attack is still here but she oddly felt a sense of peace.

" Mia I'm home " she heard from downstairs. She didn't think, she just ran to her mom, she paused before her, Felicity smiles at her shyly, Mia surprised her by hugging her.

Her dad asked them to love themselves, to be happy, so that's what she's going to do. For _him_.


	2. Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity goes through the long and difficult journey that is grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back with another chapter, thanks to everyone who read my work I'm grateful !  
Let me know what you think.  
Reminder that English isn't my native language so it could have mistakes.  
You can find me on Twitter: @smoakgoth

**Chapter 2:**

** Every night I'm dancing with your ghost**

" I'll find you again.. I promise"  
" I love you so much"

She held onto his hand until they couldn't anymore and Felicity watched helplessly Oliver leaving, every step than he took made her heart break even more, with every step a part of herself left too. He never looked back.

She didn't know if she could have survived if he did.

She didn't have any strength so she fell to the floor and cried. For hours. She couldn't stop, their last 5 minutes kept playing again in her head.

And then the last 7 seven years,

"_ hi I'm Oliver queen"_

_ " I can't be with someone I could really care about"_

_ " it was red"_

_ " I want to be with you " _

_" for better and for worse" _

_" I love you and I want to marry you "_

_ " love is too small a word". _

She felt like her head was going to explode. 

Suddenly a cry stopped her thoughts. It took her a few seconds to realize it's Mia's. Right, Their daughter.

Who just became an orphan.

_ " I want a normal life for both of our children"_

She stopped breathing for a moment, neither of them will **ever** have a normal life.

It seemed so cruel. Mia's screams kept getting louder, life continued, she had to get up. She didn't know how she was going to do that. She's so scared, heartbroken to even think at the moment.

She stood on shaky legs and walked to Mia's room, before entering she looked at the room, the light green walls, the pictures on them.

Everything screamed **OLIVER.** She couldn't breathe, he was everywhere but he was not. When Mia finally noticed her mom she calmed down, Felicity made her way to her and took her in her arms to hug her. She took a deep breath into her baby's hair, she even smelled like him.

She kept crying but managed to get to the wooden chair in the opposed side of the room. She couldn't go to her room. Not tonight. So she held her daughter watching the sunset. Mia was watching her with her big green eyes.

" My precious little girl, I love you so much. You don't deserve any of that, you deserve better, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... ." She rocked her to sleep and then stared outside.

  
She didn't sleep for 4 days.

She didn't feel anymore, she wasn't bothered by that, she didn't want to feel the pain anymore, it hurt too much. Everything she did was robotic, Mia was all that mattered, feed her, change her, make her go to sleep. Again, again and again.

She didn't feel like herself anymore, when she looked into the mirror she didn't recognize the bubbly blond she once was. She ran herself to exhaustion, she was too tired to cry, she was too tired to care about anything except Mia, if she was still here it was for her.

At first when it was too hard she thought about ending her own life, she didn't want to live without him, she couldn't. So she stared at the kitchen knives, the pills in the bathroom, it would be easy, it would stop. But then she heard Mia, and she wanted to live for her, she was her last reason to live now she couldn't abandon her.

Being sleep deprived gave her hallucinations, one moment she looked outside and the next she was running barefoot, still wearing the same clothes as the night Oliver left, because she thought she saw him in the garden.

" OLIVER!"

" OLIVER!!!" She kept screaming looking everywhere. she saw him ! he came back !

He came back for her !

_" I will always come back Felicity"_

" Oliver please " she cried looking everywhere but quickly came to realization he wasn't there, she imagined it all. She finally broke down, she fell in the muddy ground.

He promised he'll come back, how could he make her this promise to her ? Why would he say this if he knew he wouldn't keep it. How messed up!

She was angry, no she was mad at him, mad at the whole fucking universe. They deserved a lifetime together, they deserved to grow old together, with their children and die in each other's arms but instead they got so little time.

How cruel and evil this was.

She was mad at him for leaving even if she was aware he didn't want to. But he left. He left her, like everyone ever did in her life.

" If you loved me why did you leave me" she mumbled.

" Oliver please come back I can't do this , I can't do this alone" Felicity kept saying, getting lost in her thoughts and memories...

_" how do you feel tonight" Oliver said, cuddling in bed with Felicity._

_"I'm okay, my back hurts like it always does and i think I peed 5 times in the last half hour" she huffed. " But Mia's okay she keeps kicking."_

_ " Are you sure you're okay ?" Oliver responded worried, pulling back to look at her but still hugging her._

_" I'm just scared, bringing a baby into this world is very scary. I really don't know what I'm doing ! What if I'm a bad mom, and she hates me ."_

_"Wow stop that, I mean it Felicity, you already are the best mom anyone could ever have, don't ever doubt that. Yes you probably will make mistakes, everyone does, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mother, and Mia will love you no matter what, just like I do."_

_ Felicity started to tear up and went for a kiss, when she pulled back she smiled at him._

_ " Sorry for the tears, just the pregnancy hormones, I love you, I don't know what I would do without you Oliver. I'm just a little insecure about all the parenting thing. You know it's just..." She exhaled loudly " just, I never imagined myself have kids, after my father left it just scared me, grow up without him was so hard and I promised myself that I would never put my children through that, then you came into my life and it made me doubt, but our lives are so dangerous I'm scared. I'm terrified of losing you, and scared of having to raise Mia without a father, I want a better life for her, and for you, Oliver you deserve some peace into your life."_

_ " Oh Felicity, I'm sorry, I promise you , I will always be here, for you, for our daughter, for William when he'll come back. I will be there every step of the way, we're a team you know that, we'll figure it out" Oliver brushed back a tear that fell into her cheek,_

_ " together" ._

"Oliver come back" she kept whispering in the middle of two cries, she was totally soaked from the rain she didn't even realize was coming down. She held her face to the sky, hoping for a sign, for something, anything.

Nothing came .

* * *

A few months after her breakdown in the rain, Felicity thought it was time to go to her bedroom, she couldn't sleep on the couch forever.

She finished feeding Mia, " I love you " she said kissing her left cheek, and then " your daddy loves you so much " on her other cheek. She laid her down on her bed, looking at her sleeping a few minutes before turning back and headed upstairs.

She stopped before the door, took a deep breath and opened the door. Everything was still as they left it, it still smelled like Oliver, everything in the house started to lose it. She even thought she forgot it.

It was time to pack some things, she knew he wasn't coming back. But this was so hard to do. She decided to put music to motivate herself, and started packing in boxes his clothes, she did keep a few shirts she liked to sleep on, it made her feel so safe, it felt like home.

In his night stand she found a green notebook, she sat on the bed and read it.

He wanted them to be happy, even if he wasn't there, but she'll never know what happiness is again, he took that with him, something shut down inside of her the moment he left.

It hurt, excruciating pain, he knew that him leaving would come one day, reading his words about how he felt about missing Mia's life was like a knife through her heart.

When Mia said "mama" for the first time Felicity cried, she cried for Oliver, that's when she realized how every happy moment of their lives will be sad moments because Oliver won't be there to witness it.

She loved him so much she didn't know how to be happy anymore without him. She held onto the notebook strongly, reading his words was weird it felt like he was there with her, she can still remember the sound of his voice.

She couldn't put it away with the other stuff so she kept it in the nightstand, at least it felt like he was with her. 

As she finished packing a calm song started playing.

"_Yelling at the sky, screaming at the world,"_  
_ "Baby, why'd you go away? I'm still your girl"_

  
She stops and sit on the bed, listening to the lyrics that she felt deep in her soul.

_ "Holding on too tight, head up in the clouds_   
_ Heaven only knows where you are now"_

  
Where was Oliver?

_ "How do I love, how do I love again?_   
_ How do I trust, how do I trust again?_

  
How was she supposed to move on with her life ?

_"I stay up all night tell myself I'm alright,_   
_ Baby, you're just harder to see than most"_

  
She cried, she missed him so much

_"Every night I'm dancing with your ghost"_  
She knew he wasn't dead ( yet?) but it felt like it. It was even more cruel knowing he was out there, somewhere, but couldn't come back.

_"Never got the chance, to say a last goodbye_   
_ "I gotta move on but it hurts to try"_

  
She remembered their goodbye, how she tried to be strong for him, she wished they had more time, there were still so many things she wished she would have said to him. She knew she won't ever find someone like him again, he was it. Her soulmate or whatever, she'll never know this kind of love again, she might move on from the pain but she'll never forget him, even if he never comes back, she will always wait for him.

She remembered that time when he was in prison, how broken she felt, she wanted to laugh how absurd it was now that he was really gone .

  
_" I love you, and I will always always wait for you "_ she meant it with everything in her.

* * *

_"Wherever you go,whatever happens to you, you'll never leave me"_

She never realized how true this was. How cruel it also was.

With everything that she did, she thought of him, " Oliver would do it like that ", " Oliver wouldn't like that, I shouldn't do it "...

Now that Mia was 2, she was talking a lot , probably took it from her but she already looked so much like Oliver, the pout she did when she was upset reminded her of brooding Oliver.

Life was still very hard, doing everything alone was so overwhelming. She still cried every night but she tried to put a normal face for Mia. Every day she would tell her daughter stories about her father, how much of a hero he was, she would show pictures too.

She liked to fantasize their lives if he didn't leave, she could almost see him playing with Mia in a room, or running outside... Happy. How Mia's first steps would be to walk to him.

It wasn't healthy she knew that but it was the only way she fell asleep every night. He was always in her dreams, so real, but the morning was difficult because she had a few seconds of happiness before remembering.

Sometimes she had nightmares about him, he would die in a horrible way, or he would be mad at her, yelling that he wished he never meet her, that it was her fault. Waking up from those nightmares was the worst. She always had to take the notebook out of the nightstand and read his words to remember that the nightmares weren't real.

She started working on Smoak Tech again, from home obviously but she wanted to do that for herself. Build something Oliver would be proud of. 

* * *

Today marked 7 years after he went away. One more year without him. One more year of Mia's life he was missing.

She was trying, she was really trying her best to be strong, most days she did but dates like her birthday, Mia's, William's, Oliver's, their anniversary and the day he left are too difficult to pretend she's ok.

7 years was a turning point though, from this date, she will spend more time without him than the 7 years she had with him.

She was still as much in love with him, she wondered if the love ever goes away, if the pain ever goes away too. Will it always hurt this much thinking of him?

She was still waiting for him, she made him a promise to find him again and Felicity Smoak always keep her promises. But she has no idea how she even going to do that when she didn't even know where he was, if he was still alive...

  
She heard the door of her bedroom open, and her 7 years old daughter walked in timidly.

" are you okay Mama?"

Felicity realized she was crying. Damn it. She didn't Mia to see her like that. She wanted Mia to see her strong not weak, sobbing.

" I'm fine baby " she managed to say.

" Are you sad about something? Can I help ?" Mia said worriedly.

" You always help sweetheart, come here" Mia almost ran into her mother's arms hugging her tightly.

" I love you so much Mia. I'm sorry "

" I love you mama, I don't like seeing you sad, is it about daddy? "

" Yes it is, I just miss him a lot "

" Maybe we can watch the video of when I was a baby, it always makes me feel better, maybe it will make you too !"

" That's a great idea pumpkin "

  
Felicity smiled. Their daughter was so caring, everyday more like Oliver. She knew she'll get better, thanks to Mia, her sweet beautiful daughter.

* * *

  
" Mia come, diner is ready, it's the third time I'm calling you ! I made something for you. " Felicity yelled from the kitchen.

" Yeah I'm here " Mia sat in her chair unenthusiastically.

" Did you wash your hands?"

" Mom I'm not 12, I'm not 5 anymore I can handle myself" said Mia aggressively.

" i know i know just checking !" 

She knew she could be very protective but she cared so much for her she tried to be as present as possible for her, maybe too much.

She tried her best to give her a normal life, as normal as a life without a father. She wished Oliver would be here, she didn't know how to handle a teenager, she had no one to discuss how to do things, she was feeling lost. Plus, knowing how difficult Felicity herself was as a teenager she was a little anxious.

" Mom... This taste really bad." Mia made a disgust face.

" What? No, I followed that recipe the neighbor gave me."

" Well I don't know how you failed but you did, I'll make something" Mia said while standing up.

" No don't, I'm capable of cooking dinner" Felicity stopped her daughter.

" You clearly don't!"

The hurt in Felicity's eyes was visible. Mia was obviously right but she hated being unable to do something as simple as cooking. She was a mom and wasn't even capable of feeding her child.

She never worried about that during her pregnancy because she knew Oliver would be the one doing the cooking. He would have make so many tasteful meal for their daughter, instead the one Felicity could cook were basic, she could understand why she was upset.

One other thing in which she was a disappointment.

* * *

" I made coffee for you Mom" 

" Thank you Mia, you're an angel . How did you sleep ?" Felicity responded.

" good and you ?"

She was expecting the question but last night's dream confused her a lot.

_Felicity was walking through the garden in the evening when suddenly she felt a presence behind her. She knew, even without turning around, she knew it was him. _

_" Felicity" oh, she missed her name coming from his mouth, his rough but sweet voice._

_ " You're here? " she whispered turning around. _

_" I'm really here, I came back, i came back to you like I always promised you". _

_She didn't wait any longer before throwing herself in his arms and put her lips to his, she missed this feeling so much. When they pulled apart Felicity put her arms around his chest and her head on his heart. She can feel the warmth of his body, his distinctive scent and the throbbing of his heart. This was real he was there._

  
_ " I love you so much Oliver "_

_" I missed you so much Felicity, not a day has come where I didn't think of you, I love you"_

_She stroked his scruff sweetly " let's go get Mia, we can finally be happy." _

_She turned back to the house and before any hing else happened she woke up_.

_She was baffled for a few minutes. It was only a dream. She dreamed of him less frequently now, it was always so disorienting after so many years to still dream about his return._

  
"Mom?" Mia asked when her mom didn't answer.

"Sorry, I dreamed of your father last night it was very confusing"

" Oh.. what was happening? Mia said not expecting that response.

She didn't know if she should tell the truth, from the hurtful face of her daughter it wouldn't make things better, Felicity knew she was struggling because of her father's loss.

" Nothing special, it always feels weird to dream of him, to see him and then wake up."

" I imagine..." Mia said almost too quietly to hear.

" Do you ever ? Dream of him?"

"For that to happen I would have to know him, I don't know his voice, his personality or anything so..."

That threw Felicity off guard. She wished she could help her. Take away her pain but she knew it will never go away.

* * *

_" I wish you died instead of dad, my life would be much better. " _

That's what Mia said to her.  
She knew she was just hurt about not going to Star city but those words cut through her heart.

Sometimes she wished the same thing, Mia would have a better life with Oliver, he probably would have handle things way better than her.

She was used to it by now, being a disappointment to Mia. But she had no other choice, she did the best she could, she made a promise to Oliver, to keep their children safe so that's what she did even if Mia hated her. 

She left a few hours, thinking Mia would want some time alone, she said something about dealing a thing for Smoak Tech but instead she went out to the little forest near their house, after walking a few minutes through the trees she found herself in front of a lake.

She remembered the first time Oliver and her found this place, they only got to Bloomfield for a few days and he insisted on going for walk, she remembers sitting on the big rock, her back to Oliver's front with their hands on Felicity's belly watching the sunset. It was so peaceful.

When she closed her eyes she could remember every feeling of this moment. She cherished it so much, that's why she didn't come back there often, she didn't want to tarnish the memory.

But today she really needed to be here, Mia was turning 15, it felt so unimaginable, she still remembered meeting her small baby, how she fell in love with her the instant she saw her.

She held herself tightly and started to think of William, how his life could have been way better but he still managed to become this successful man. She was so, so proud of him.

After a few hours passed she feels exhausted from thinking to much, she headed back home, a little anxious of seeing Mia again after what she said.

" Mia I'm home" she said unsure.

Suddenly Mia came down the stairs but stopped before her with a look she never gave her, a look of understanding. So Felicity smiled at her.

She wasn't expecting the hug that followed but she held onto her daughter as much as she did.

  
In moments like this, nothing else mattered more that loving her daughter, It's true Oliver was the best part of her, but her children also are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called " dancing with your ghost by Sasha Sloan, it always made me think of Felicity so I thought it would be cool to include it here ;) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it means a lot !   
I would love to have feedback and constructive criticism!


	3. Autumn is here again ... But you're not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fall is a season for balancing light and dark, it's  
beautiful and nostalgic, it's also the season of Mia's birthday. How can Felicity forget her darkness when Mia's only wish is for her dad to come back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter ! Thanks to everyone who read and commented on the last chapter it means so much !  
I think this one is less angsty than the other two, it's mostly inspired by @lightsmyway 's tweets so thanks to her !  
Anyway I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter so feel free to comment or find me on Twitter @smoakgoth
> 
> EDIT: a few months later I realized that Mia's birthday is definitely not in October but in August or something but nevermind let's just forget about that 😂

" Make a wish! "

Felicity said with a wild smile to Mia while clapping her hands.

Today was Mia's 5th birthday, it was a calm cold October day, the trees in the garden started to lose their leaves, days started to become shorter and shorter, the night coming too soon every day.

Felicity loved the comfort that fall brought, she loved, at night, to cuddle with Mia near the fireplace under a soft blanket with a hot coffee ( or hot cocoa, she became obsessed with those during her pregnancy when she couldn't drink her black elixir) in her hands, warming her up from inside out.  
She loved the smells too, the crisp air, the nature changing, dying to live again in the spring.

But fall also brought nostalgia.

She remembered that one morning, one month after Mia was born...

_Felicity started to wake up, not from her baby's cry, that's a first, but from whispers coming from the other side of the bed._

_She kept her eyes closed trying to understand the words._

_" Happy birthday Mia. Yes you're already one month how crazy is that! You're the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen and no I'm not biased, you are objectively beautiful, which is not surprising since you are your mother's daughter. Oh so it's gonna be like that huh? Smiling when I mention your mom, thankfully you have that sweet face to be forgiven. We're going to try to be quiet to not wake her up okay ?_

_" I think it's too late " said Felicity smiling while turning to face her husband and their daughter._

_Oliver was lying down but half propped up with Mia on his naked chest. What a sight to wake up to ! Her man get a hundred times hotter with a baby in his arms, which was rude to her ovaries._

_Oliver chuckled " A hundred times only? "_

_"Huh it's too early for my mouth filter to work" Felicity responded while rubbing her eyes._

_" I hope Mia gets this, it's adorable."_

_" So you're really going to celebrate her birth every month? " Felicity said ignoring his comment with a smile._

_" Absolutely, I plan on baking cakes for her, organizing parties, anything she wants I will build it." Oliver said proudly._

_" Good because I don't plan on baking anytime soon " Felicity laughed. " Now let me see how my baby grew while I was asleep"_

___

_For Mia's two months Felicity woke up to an empty bed, curious she got out of bed and headed out to Mia's room which she also found empty. Weird._

_" Yes Mia keep kicking!" She heard from the leaving room._

_" Oliver what are you doing?"_

_When she entered the room she immediately noticed her baby on a blanket on the floor with four balloons, attached to both of her hands and feet._

_" Felicity look at this ! Look how hard she's kicking!" Oliver said with a big smile and his eyes shining._

_She rarely saw him like that. Free of all of his burdens._

_Mia giggled loudly bringing Felicity's attention back to her. Oliver started laughing, his dimples on full display, Felicity reciprocated the laugh._

_Oliver looked at her and she was taken aback from the love and happiness she saw in his eyes. What a special moment, so carefree of every problem they could face. Just love and pure bliss._

Realizing she zoned out, she focused again on her daughter who was frowning, eyes closed holding the plate where her beautiful cake was, 5 pink candles standing in the middle.

When Felicity asked what kind of cake Mia wanted for her birthday, Mia lighted up and ran out of her arms to bring her a picture.

It was the picture taken a few days after Mia's birth, Felicity is sitting in the wooden chair, in Mia's room holding their newborn but she wasn't looking at the baby, no, she was staring lovingly at Oliver, cropping next to her. Their eyes locked.

Both of their right hands holding Mia's head. Felicity could clearly remember how she felt at that moment, feeling overwhelmed by the love she felt for this little human they created, a part of themselves created a new person. How crazy !

She remembered how exhausted she felt, her body recovering from birth, stressed but so happy. Postpartum was such a weird thing, the drop of hormones making her not really herself but nothing really mattered except the little human she brought to the world.

Oliver kept reminding her that she was a superhero and that he was in awe of her strength. He was the one insisting on taking this picture.

_" you look great Felicity I promise! In the future we will be happy to have a memory of this instant"_.

He was right, this picture was beautiful, she wished he had the chance to take it with him... To keep a part of his family with him ...

Anyway, she was confused, what the picture had anything to do with Mia's birthday cake?

" I don't understand honey"

" I want a cake with the picture on it, like the one in the story you told me" Mia said with her eyes shining , " for daddy's birthday you said you offer a cake with a drawing on it, I want that too ! "

" With this picture specifically?" Felicity asked a little surprised.

" Yes ! So daddy can be with me for my birthday this time !"

It hurt Felicity every time she had to remind her daughter that Oliver wasn't coming back. She couldn't bring him back, that she couldn't, but if a cake like that was the kind of comfort her daughter needed, she would do that.

It's difficult to accept that it will just be the two of them now, that Mia will never know the bond a father and daughter can have, she'll never know her sibling since William can't come back because his grandparents threatened her that if she tried to get him back they would do everything to make her seem like an unfit mother and take Mia away from her..., she'll have to deal with the loneliness their lives has now....

So a few days before Mia's birthday she ordered the cake making sure that " happy birthday Mia" was written in green like her daughter reminded her a few times.

Felicity gave a fake last name, and hacked into the bakery in case they kept her address so she could erase it, being safe was important.

Mia's face when she saw the cake was priceless.

Now, she was still very focused on her cake, making the cutest face ever when she suddenly relaxed her features and smiled wildly before blowing the 5 candles.

" Yay ! What did you wish for my sweet Mia?"  
Felicity said while stroking her daughter's curly hair.

Mia turned, facing Felicity with a pride happy smile on her face .

" I wished for Daddy to come home !" Mia said loudly, excited.

" Mia..." Felicity whispered while crouching down " we talked about this already... Daddy is gone, he loves you so much but he won't come back."

" But you said if I make a wish it will come true " Mia responded,scowling, " That's the only thing I want, I want my daddy back, I want my daddy back! Why can't he come back !" The little blonde cried.

" Mia... If your daddy could come back, I promise you, he would but it's not possible." Tears started to grow out of both of their eyes.

" But you know what sweetheart? Wherever you go he will always be with you, you know how? " Mia shook her head " here" Felicity said putting a finger on Mia's heart " he will always be here no matter what, he hasn't abandoned you, he will always be inside your heart. You won't ever be alone. "

* * *

In the evening they decided to go on a walk in little forest not too far from their home. Felicity gave Mia her light green jacket that looked exactly like the bear outfit they loved to put on her when she was a baby. She looked so adorable with it.

Mia held her hand walking on the leaves on the floor making sure they crunched under her feet.

Mia looked so beautiful surrounded by all the different colors of the leaves, it looked magical. She was so happy and it was painful for Felicity to know that Oliver never got the chance to see her like that .

When they approached the house on their way back Mia started running to the house laughing to jump on the pile of golden leaves.

If Felicity wasn't so focused on her daughter she would have noticed the man looking at them behind the trees ....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does that mean ?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it means a lot !  
I would love to have feedback and constructive criticism.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter @smoakgoth


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If Felicity wasn't so focused on her daughter she would have noticed the man looking at them behind the trees..."  
aka Oliver visits the cabin five years after leaving and meets his daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! this is the final chapter of this fic. Finally you could say, it's been almost a year since i updated i'm so sorry about that. Season 8, the crossover and the new timeline made it very difficult.  
This fic is canon-ish that shows Felicity and Mia's life in the cabin in the first timeline and what we knew before season 8.
> 
> Anyway i hope if someone reads this, this chapter gives closure to this story. i know it's not very well written and kind of a mess but it was my first fic ever and a very personal one, so it means so much to me. Thank you so much to everyone who read it and left a kind word.
> 
> As always english isn't my native language, sorry for mistakes!
> 
> If you want to, you can leave a kudo or a comment they are always appreaciated!

LAST CHAPTER:

In the evening they decided to go on a walk in the little forest not too far from their home. Felicity gave Mia her light green jacket that looked exactly like the bear outfit they loved to put on her when she was a baby. She looked so adorable with it.

  
Mia held her hand walking on the leaves on the floor making sure they crunched under her feet.

  
Mia looked so beautiful surrounded by all the different colors of the leaves, it looked magical. She was so happy and it was painful for Felicity to know that Oliver never got the chance to see her like that.

  
When they approached the house on their way back Mia started running to the house laughing and jumping on the pile of golden leaves.

  
If Felicity wasn't so focused on her daughter she would have noticed the man looking at them behind the trees...

“First one in the kitchen wins!” the little girl yells as she runs as fast as she can to the house, jumping up the stairs two by two, giggling the whole time.

  
Felicity isn't far behind, but she definitely doesn't have the energy of her daughter.

  
He watches them through the kitchen window, he watches as Felicity takes Mia in her arms to help her wash her hands in the sink, clearly too high for her. And then, they're gone. He doesn't hear Mia's laughter anymore, he doesn't see them. Everything goes quiet again. He can only hear the wind moving the leaves around him and the birds singing as they fly away.

  
He needs that calm and quiet.

  
Because he saw his daughter for the first time in five years.

  
He feels like he can't breathe.

He saw their daughter right in front of him.

She's so big now, he's not stupid he knew that he would see them coming here and he knew she wasn't that newborn he left, he knew she would grow up.

He knew that. He thought of that every single day away from them.

What did she learn new today? Did she say her first words? Did she have her first tooth? Did she take her first steps?

He imagined it all, he even dreamed of it, he dreamed of a life where he would have seen all these precious moments. The happiness of these dreams quickly went away as it got replaced by heartbreak.

It hurts so much to wake up, thinking for a few seconds it was real before the reality hit him. Hard. He never tried to stop having those dreams. No, he prefers suffering through that if it means he can see and hear them again.

  
But now... being back here... and seeing them from his own eyes and not from his imagination reminds him of how much he lost, how much time he lost.

  
Mia has her life now, and he's not a part of it. How could he fit here?

  
This is so much.

He survived the past five years in the hope of being back here one day, and now he is.

Well, it's only temporary, the monitor kept giving him missions so far away he could never visit. But, recently the monitor talked to him about a very important mission, a very dangerous one, even more than the others. One he could possibly not survive. He said it would be the last one. After that he would be free, he could finally after all this time come back to his family.

At first, he thought it was a joke, it was what he dreamed for so many years and it was here, now. So close. As the monitor described what he would have to do to be free Oliver realized how deadly this could be. So he pleaded the other man to let him go here, just once, just to see them if this is the last time... he promised him not to be seen or heard, if his time finally came he needed to see that his family was okay and had survived a life without him, even if it hurts, he needed to make sure of their safety.

  
He's scared of seeing how their lives changed, did Felicity find someone else? Does Mia have a stepfather? Did William come back? Did they have people to lean on to or were they completely alone here?

  
He needs a moment. For so long he waited to go back here, but now he isn't sure he's ready. He crouches on the ground and sits against a tree, holding his hands in fists to stop them shaking.

He's scared.

  
What if they moved on and he can't fit in their lives anymore? What if his return causes more pain than happiness? He caused all this harm already he doesn't want to bring more of it by coming back into their lives.

  
He just needs to see them a little closer, see if William is here and then he'd be on his way out.  
He probably won't even survive that last mission so why bother thinking of his return anyway?

  
He sighs tiredly.

  
Why him? Why did it have to be him?

  
All he wanted was to be a loving husband and father. And that was ripped away from him.

  
He looks up at the orange sky telling him that the night will come very soon and he'll have to leave. If he wants to do this he has to hurry up.

  
Taking a deep breath, he gets up and walks slowly to the house. He's not sure what exactly he wants to do, maybe just seeing them living in a familiar environment. He walks up the stairs and looks carefully through the window.

Felicity is cuddling with Mia on the couch, curled up against each other. They look like they're talking but from there he can't hear what it's about.

Mia looks... so much like Felicity it could look like she made her by herself.

Felicity... she hasn't changed a bit. She's as beautiful as the first day he met her. Something feels a little different though, it could just be tiredness of being a mother obviously but her eyes don't shine like they used to, they used to be so full of life and now they seem very dull.

It would be so easy to just finish walking those stairs and join them in that hug.

So so easy.

And so dangerous... he can't be seen by them, it would be so cruel to walk away after that, once again.

He can't hurt them this way again.

He won't.

Last time Mia was a baby and she never remembered when he left her but this time she's old enough she would.

He looks at the living room, not many things have changed in five years. He doesn't see any man's things, so maybe William isn't here after all.. and maybe... she didn't find someone else. He doesn't have the right to feel jealous about another guy being with Felicity and taking his place because he wasn't there, but he does feel a little relieved, she didn't forget about him. He's stupid for ever thinking that anyway, she told him “Wherever you go, you'll never leave me”. But at the same time he doesn't want her to spend the rest of her life alone.

She deserves to be loved again, she deserves someone to hold her when things aren't going well... and he can't be that person.

  
Slowly Felicity lays Mia down on the couch, the little one fast asleep, kisses her forehead and leaves the room to answer a phone call.

  
A few heartbeats pass and he wonders what he should do.

Without thinking of the consequences his actions could do, he opens the door and enters the house.

Their home.

He takes a deep breath, it feels like nothing has changed. It's their home. It's their home's scent. It makes him relax instantly.

He breathes in again, hoping to remember that smell forever. When he opens his eyes again, he starts to observe closer the house.

He walks carefully around the living room, watching the photographs hanging on the walls. Most of them are Mia's, he smiles widely at them, his eyes starting to tear up from seeing her so happy.

He doesn't have time to look at the others before a whimper sound coming from behind startle him.

  
He freezes.

  
He turns around slowly, scared of facing her.

  
He's relieved when the sound didn't actually come from Felicity but from Mia, still asleep.

  
He walks to her and crouches next to her. From this close she's ever more beautiful if that's even possible, even if she's clearly having a nightmare. He can't resist stroking soothingly her face to try to relax her features, he brushes with one finger her nose to her forehead over and over until she calms down.

When she does, she sighs and turns herself more against him. He can feel her little breaths against his chest.

His heart tightens at the feeling and his eyes water.

He wishes he could stay there forever. Holding his daughter in his arms and just laying here for eternity.

He wished it was that easy... he wants this memory to be engraved in his mind.

He hears Felicity move around closer than he thought she would be, he got distracted too much.

Maybe he should go... It breaks his heart to walk away from here but he doesn't have a choice.

As he stands up he can hear Felicity sobbing as she speaks to the person on the phone, her voice gradually becoming louder “I'm begging please! Please let me speak to him! Just a few minutes it's all I ask, it's his sister's birthday please! Yes yes she IS his sister! No don't hang up!” and then her voice is fading away.

  
Hearing her cry this way hurts him in the worst way possible. He can't handle it.

All of this is too much.

  
He runs outside and chokes up on air, breathing fast, he grips strongly the rail until his knuckles turn white.

  
Why did he come here?

  
That was a mistake.

  
He shouldn't have come here.

  
A few cries escape his mouth. He should move. He shouldn't stay here. But he can't. If he leaves now and he dies... then Felicity's sobs will be the last thing he would remember of her.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
He stiffens.

  
“Hey I’m talking to you!” he hears a high voice and then a pinch on his butt.

  
“Ouch!” he turns around wiping away his tears to face Mia, standing tall in front of him with her messy curly hair and definitely dried drool on her face.

  
She furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms “I asked you a question”

  
He's stunned by her reaction to a 'stranger' crying outside of her home. But then he's shocked at the resemblance when she makes that face, he sees himself.

  
“Y-Yes I'm fine”

  
She narrows her eyes “Mama says when people cry it's because they're sad. She also says it's bad to lie.”

  
“I- uhm” he feels a little uncomfortable at the moment.

  
“You look like my daddy” his mouth opens in shock.

  
Does he say the truth? Does he lie?

  
“Are you here for my birthday?”

  
“Huh yes I am” he smiles shyly.

  
“You weren't here last year”

  
His face falls.

  
“It's a little sad you're not here. But mama says you're saving the world. That you're a hero. So it's okay. Are you coming back now?”

  
What should he respond? What if he says yes and then he dies? The only thing she would remember from him is that he lied.

  
“No... not yet Mia I'm sorry. I just wanted to see you for a little while.”

  
She nodded “I wanted to see you too today but mama said it wasn't possible. But it is possible! I just had to think hard enough after she told me the story and poof! You appeared!”

  
“What kind of stories?”

  
“Team Arrow stories sometimes, or just stories of the life of before I was born”

  
“And William? Is he here by the way?”

  
She frowns “who's William?”

  
He doesn't understand “William isn't here? You don't know Will... your brother?”

  
She suddenly lights up “I have a brother?! Yay I want my brother!”

Fresh tears burn Oliver's eyes as he realizes his children don't know about each other.

They never grew up together.

They never met...

Why did he come back?

He shouldn't have had. It was a bad idea.

He could have lived his last moments imagining his family whole and together, happy. But instead he came here and witnessed how their life is shattered.

Because of him.

He could have remembered Felicity as his shiny bubbly beautiful wife and instead her cry of desperation still resonates in his skull.

There was a time he thought death was peaceful. He's been close to it so many times there was a time he thought death was the easy part. But that was before he had something to lose. Knowing he will leave his family behind is excruciating pain.

The kind of pain that twists his heart.

  
Why did he come back?

  
This is torture.

  
Why did he come back?

  
He feels pressure around his legs and opens his eyes, seeing his daughter holding him tight.

  
This is why.

  
“Wh- what are you doing Mia?” his voice wobbles.

  
“I'm giving you a hug because you're sad and when I’m sad mommy gives hugs and it always makes it better because she has magic arms so maybe I do too. Does it feel magic? Does it feel better?”

  
“My sweet girl, yes it does. You're magic. God, you're perfect.” Oliver puts an arm around her, tears now flowing on his cheeks.

  
“Can I have a real hug?”

  
“Of course” he crouches down and she jumps in his arms holding him tight around his neck, her face against his own.

  
She laughs “your beard is ticklish!”

  
He laughs quietly with her “i missed you so much Mia you can't imagine. I've thought of you every day. Every single day. I love you so much.”

  
“I love you too daddy”

  
His throat feels so tight.

She loves him.

She told him she loves him.

He wants to ignore that she doesn't know what she's saying since she doesn't know him but he wants to embrace this moment.

He wants to remember it forever. This could be the last time he sees her. He needs her words engraved in his mind forever.

  
After a while, He doesn't know how long, but enough that he realizes Felicity will be back soon, he pulls back. Mia looks at him with her shiny bright eyes and a big smile. He can't help but stroke her soft face and kiss her forehead.

  
“I love you Mia, you and your mommy mean the world to be. Even if you won't remember this I’ll always love you and I'll always be proud of you no matter what.”

  
She nods “I know that? mommy tells me every day”

  
“I wish I could tell you that I could stay with you but I can't...”

  
“But daddy you're always with me” she points at her heart “here. You'll always be here wherever I go!” with her other hand she points at his heart “and I know wherever you go I’ll always be here with you! So you will never be alone, we're here with you”

  
They hear noise in the kitchen meaning that Felicity is right over there.

  
“I have to go, happy birthday Mia. Have fun, take care of your mom for me would you?”

  
She nods “bye daddy, see you soon!” she runs inside without looking back.

  
Oliver let goes of a long breath. He closes his eyes and starts walking away.

He's down the stairs when he has an idea.

This is crazy and maybe dangerous but there's a high chance he will never come back here so he thinks it's worth it...

He searches in his pocket for a piece of paper and a pen and writes something that only her could know “Forever my always. You and I bigger than the universe” he smiles and when he's done he feels like he can actually leave.

Coming here was not a mistake. He got to meet his perfect daughter and have her in his arms again and that is priceless.

He hopes with everything in him that it wasn't the last time.

He hopes he will come back.

he hopes the next time he will be able to say and show in person how much he loves her.

This last mission will set him free and he'll be happy living his life with them again.

He has to.

He will be back.

For them.

  
–---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felicity was cutting some carrots when she heard running behind her.

  
“Mia, where were you!”

  
The little girl climbes on the table “i was with daddy outside”

  
Felicity almost cut her finger off as she hears her words. She turns to face her with a confused expression “what do you mean sweetie?”

  
“Daddy was right there, he came for my birthday! My wish worked!”

  
Felicity closes her eyes tight “Mia... I already told you your dad loves you so much but he can't be here... he wasn't here it's not possible”

  
“No no no I saw him! I hug him! He was real!”

  
“It was probably in your dream you were sleeping when I left you honey.” She looks at her apologetically, knowing how much it hurts to tell the truth to her.

  
Mia shakes her head and hopped down “NO DADDY CAME TO SEE ME IT WAS REAL! It wasn't a dream!” she runs off crying to her bedroom.

  
“Mia, I’m sorry!” Felicity tries to hold her back but she's gone too quickly.

  
Felicity let herself cry at that moment “i wish it was real... I wish he was back...” she sniffs and dries her tears “but it's not. It's not possible. He's gone and it hurts too much to hope for his return”

  
She takes back the knife to continue cooking when she hears the door on the side moving.

She curiously moves towards it. “it's weird... it's open” she moves to close it when she notices something on the floor.

A piece of paper.

The writing on it makes her eyes open wide.

Without thinking she runs outside looking everywhere.

She scrutinizes the garden and the trees, hoping.

Hoping to see him.

He's here?

Is he really here?

Is it real?

  
She waits.

Waits for a sign.

Waits for him to finally, after so long, take her in his strong arms.

Waits to hear the sound of his voice as he says her name in such a special way.

She waits. She waits.

She waits, for nothing.

There's nothing. There's no one.

"Damnit!" tears start flowing out of her eyes and she sobs unapologetically in the silent night.

  
He's not here.

Or if he was, he's not anymore. She sighs and looks back at the paper, her shaky finger tracing the writing over and over, her tears wetting it .

She recognizes those words. No one else could know what those words mean... no one else but them. It is him. it was him.

  
She looks at the sky, at the whole universe, and whispers “you're my always, forever." she kisses her ring still firmly in place on her hand and walks back inside knowing one day, they will see each other again.

But until then, she's all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad end, but Oliver never came back. i thought of changing the end and saving him and making a happy ending but then i remembered chapter 1 and 2 were too far into the story to do that. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this fic it means so much to me.
> 
> If you prefer less depressing fics I have others, the most recent ones are alternative universe of Olicity.
> 
> I would love to have feedback and constructive criticism :)
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter @smoakgoth
> 
> Anyway, byee

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading it means a lot !  
I would love to have feedback and constructive criticism.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter @smoakgoth


End file.
